I usually light a jay before I let the words hit the page but today ima stray away from my usual mellow posts and present an interesting rendition of several things. Keep up.
It's...fairly quiet over here, the absence of warmth that used to encircle me. Face almost incapable of expressing any emotion, brow slightly lowered as though in deep thought with uninviting cold, wooden eyes, barred from the world.
I talk a lot about the problems in my life as though I don't have any control of them, harvessing this intense hatred of my own situation by complaining to other people just to have something..that people can relate to? Yeah, probably, my voice gets tuned out when anything remotely intelligent comes out of my mouth. Let me insult someone I particularily don't favor and the response I want then occurs, but not from doing something I like. Contradictory? In a sense, I suppose. Maybe I myself do not know exactly what I'm trying to accomplish anymore. I've been trying to make myself heard by people for years, to express what is really on my mind and every time...every time I've been shut down that I then devoted time to try and make myself more.."understandable".
I'm just in a lose/lose situation and it's sad actually..I don't ever believe I'll really be completely understood by anyone because I'm simply not normal. Fuck it, there's the explanation. Now, realistically, is it THAT wrong for me to long to be a tad normal? I grown to appreciate my mind, it's been moving faster than ever before but..I wish it wasn't moving so fast. I'm severing my ties with reality with each passing day.
Fuck it, so be it then. It's not worth it anyway.