...come back

I sometimes hover over your number when I think about you, trying to force myself to text and to induce some type of response from you, feeling comfort when I know you're doing fine. I feel blank...emptied and confused.

I look back at the climax whatever our friendship was. It was dope, you unintentionally got me over her because I shifted my attention from her to you. Now I can readily call her, I can barely text you.

I'm not going to get emo and declare some cliche shit because that isn't me. Truth be told I don't know why I actually care. I'm usually one to give extensive details but that was when I also interacted with immature people who frustrated me to that point. Even with you all, I give you an in depth glance on my life but I never get too deep. In a concerted effort, I'm trying to talk and not talk at the same time. I'm telling you but I'm not telling you. I stop. I breathe. I sigh.

I hovered over your name again tonight. Because I missed you, I do miss you. I hate admitting that thought, I feel weak. I shouldn't be missing you, feel me? Am I crazy for missing you? It's not because I "miss her" and I'm diverting the attention; I miss the way you used to act towards me and get angry thinking if you treat another gentleman like you treated me. I tried to tell you but I never could, you'd probably think I was crazy and I didn't want to lose you completely. Being a part of your life was suitable for me. Yet...even now, you're further away .. and that's not counting the distance this time. From a standpoint, I feel like we've taken a bunch of steps back ...we have. 

I would really love for you to come back into my life again ..but I'm not going to tell you that. I guess I'm sort of "hoping" you "pop up" .. and I'll take over from there.