I suppose..

It's almost like a vision. I would...confront the same situation over and over again. My thoughts that aren't being said from my mouth are being thrown into scenes in my head I don't want to see. My vision is a nightmare. A grueling, sadistic nightmare.

I normally start somewhere around my living quarters. I'm attending college apparently. I get a call from her. She tells me she wants to see me. Excited, my heart thumping at probably 190 beats per minute, I rush to meet her. My smile is almost sickening.

She's smiling. My heart races even faster. She tells me that she missed my friendship. My heart starts to slow down considerably. Friendship is a word I didn't want to hear.

She pulls out her phone and starts to converse with a male. I observe this by a male picture and the excited look in her eyes. The excited look she once gave me when she was mines. My heart slows down even more. Suddenly I feel like I'm sweating.  My mind is in a daze. "How the fuck did I get myself back into this?" is what I ask. I never get a response.

Cautiously, I speak. I ask her if that's all she saw with us. "Friendship".

I don't know if it was the "yes" or the cool way that she said it that burned my chest. I don't know exactly what happens afterwards. Apparently my subconscious won't allow me to see it.

...I really am a wandering soul, lying through my teeth when I say I'm fine. I'm a train wreck. You can't tell?

My Apologies.